I should technically be working diligently on my studies right now. But I can't seem to get something off my mind- and so therefore, I will write it out and then return to my reading.
I have been thinking a lot about life being short. We are given a finite amount of time on this planet to make the best of our time. In the past, I have not made the best choices on how I have spent my minutes, more specifically who I have spent my time with.
I have spent time with people who have made me feel inferior, inadequate and far from valued. I know the quote that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. And sure, I agree with that. I let certain behaviors with individuals continue far to long. However, those individuals also had choices to make. How they would treat people. How they would respond to the little things. How they would choose to use their words. How they would use their hands and physical strength. How they would choose to live their life, knowing that they made decisions that also had impacts on other people.
Overreacting has been a term that I have used often in some of the relationships I have been in. From feeling like I don't know what the big deal is over some situations that people have become explosive about and in others questioning why I am feeling so upset and stressed and..ok..reactionary.
Yet life is short. So why do we do this?
Over the weekend I did something very stupid. I was at Mr. Tyke's flat and I had cooked up some food on the stove around noon. Although I turned the flame off the gas was not entirely switched off. Slowly leaking out, we breathed in gas for about 6 hours. Even to the point of both falling asleep on the couch for about 30 minutes. After we awoke we decided we needed to get up and go out and grab some avocados for dinner. Thank GOD we woke up and thank GOD he wanted avocados. When we came in, we could smell what we had been breathing in for most of the day. Immediately I knew it was my fault. I knew it was stupid. I knew that we could have started a huge fire had we began cooking without leaving. I knew that it was so bad for our health. I knew that there would be a huge gas bill coming up. I knew that it was all my fault. A list ran through my head covering every little thing that could have happened, did happen and what was going to happen. Yes, I was reacting. But I was also reacting to how I thought that Mr. Tyke would react too. I expected him to be upset. Upset at the situation. Upset at me.
To my surprise. He wasn't. He responded to the situation. But he didn't overreact. He turned the gas off. He opened the window. I opened the door. He made sure everything was ok. Told me not to turn the lights on or use any plugs just in case some of the electricity does something weird and we would wait on cooking to clear it all out. I apologized over and over again. He said, "No worries." "Its fine." "We didn't die." I mentioned the gas bill. He said, "I am not worried about that. Its fine. We are ok.Thank goodness I wanted avocados."
Thank goodness he wanted avocados. Life is short. Yes, leaving the gas on wasn't exactly a "little" thing. But it also didn't have to be turned into a complete disaster. We were fine. We didn't die. I learned how to turn the stove off correctly. He learned to double check the stove after I cook. And we can move forward. He even reminded me that if the kitchen did blow up- he might have yelled, but it wouldn't have been at me.
So I ask you.
Are you responding or overreacting to the little things in your life? Be careful the individuals you decide to spend your time with. Make sure they are uplifting, and not esteem crushing. And before you beat yourself up over the little things do a self check. Be uplifting, not esteem crushing and remember not to make a mountain out of a molehill.
Ya know what? I have amazing friends. From the USA to across the pond I have been blessed with rich friendships. I look back and think, wow- and to think there have been days when I have felt all alone. How foolish really. Those were choices I made- to feel alone- when all along I was surrounded by amazing people who would be there if I simply reached out if I needed something.
This post is not being written because I am feeling sad. It is only because I am feeling so blessed. My best friend in the entire world, Kim- lives miles away. We haven't talked as much since we have moved from each other- she to Seattle and I to Scotland- but dammit- that girl is my best friend. I could call her tomorrow and she would get on a plane if I needed her. Last week she sent me an email reminding me that we don't talk as much and we need to do this more and she has set up our Weekly Friday Review- with an 8 hour time difference we at least have Friday emails to look forward to. Knowing that we will be apart of everything that happened in each others week. I look back on our friendship and through some of the toughest times we ended up laughing- through all my relationship, work and life woes all the way to the absolute worst year of her life to some of the best days in both of our lives- our tears always ended up in laughter. Now that my friends is a blessing- you think not?
Kim's husband, Joe- is one of my other dearest friends. Yes, if you two follow this blog then you are still welcome for the second introduction so you could fall in love and have everlasting friendship! He has been a rock as well- he prob never realizes what a rock he is for me but knowing that he is there as my friend, and Kim's husband gives me great peace of mind. Cause heck- lets be honest you need your best friend to have a supporting husband if she is going to get on a plane and head to Scotland the next day just because her friend, ME, needs it. And I know with all my heart Joe wouldn't care how much it cost- If I needed a friend, and I needed Kim- she would be there. Thats a pretty awesome man in my book. Not to mention he has been sending me random hellos over the past few months to discuss academic life passions that we both share providing some very stimulating conversations which I so much appreciate and all of his craziness makes me laugh too. Yesterday I was feeling a bit stressed about a project and an IM pops up and there he is asking if I know random authors, what my PhD is in and that he is going to think about some things to form clear thoughts and we would chat soon. I don't know what its all about but I look forward to the random thoughts that become clear.