Its hard. I am a bit overwhelmed. And that's that.
Sometimes I wonder how in the world I thought I was capable of completing a PhD. The past three weeks have been incredibly challenging. I began this process searching through literature and simply becoming overwhelmed in this digital age. Do you realize how much is out there to read? When you have access to the libraries and information from all over the world?? Yes, sign language interpreter education the research might be more limited but you can't just start there.. you have to zoom outward to better understand what you are after. I completed 8 interviews, for a pilot study, including interpreter educators and I am so grateful for their hard work and dedication to our field. I transcribed those interviews. Each interview was about 90 minutes…. each transcription was about 30 pages. From there, I began to code the information looking for themes across the interviews. Now I am analyzing those themes. It is absolutely fascinating information. However, I am learning that writing is really challenging. Sure I can come here and blog my thoughts and feelings.. but expressing myself academically is a completely different story. I write, i rewrite, I add to the writings and then I go back again to rewrite and rewrite some more. You made it through a masters degree, right Stacey? Oh.. I know you are thinking that- I sure did. And I believe that I made a lot strides in that program on my academic journey- but let me tell you.. nothing compares to this.. absolutely nothing. I find that after just a few hours of work, my brain is actually tired. I get up, walk around, try to distract myself by meaningless buzz feed news and then go back to it- by the evenings, even though I have great plans to work a little more my brain just can't do it. Some days, I only have written a paragraph or two, other days I write a couple pages that the very next day I have to go rework. All i can say is its hard.. and every task I do takes more time than I had anticipated. I thought this analysis would be done last week.. guess what? Its now this week and I am still not done. I am finding myself getting more and more frustrated at myself.. people ask how its going, and honestly, I don't know. I have never done a PhD and I have never been at this stage and so i can't compare it to anything.
Its hard. I am a bit overwhelmed. And that's that.
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