As I have been reflecting on life, I often get frustrated with myself for where I am. Close to 30, unmarried, no kids... All my friends are married, with children and seem to be living the most perfect life. I don't know if their lives are perfect, but on the outside, they look pretty fantastic. They look far from lonely, and that is what I struggle with. Part of the reason I am looking forward to moving is to face this fear of mine. I will be in a new place, without knowing anyone. I look at my life and I struggle with frustration because of some of the decisions I have made. I won't lie, I have made some very poor ones. I am learning though. Sometimes I make decisions even though I shouldn't have. When you look at the circumstances side by side, I would have thought I learned my lesson the first time around and then wonder how in the world I ended up in a similar or even worse situation. I guess, sometimes it takes people a little longer. I mean heck, I am a slow reader, I read things twice... maybe I am supposed to live certain things twice to fully understand it. Who knows? I guess, as long as I am learning, even if it is a little bit at a time, that is what is important. And since I am being honest, I know that some other poor decisions I made, found their silver lining in bigger and better decisions. I read a quote the other day that says,
Sometimes, when circumstances or disappointments bump you off track, it's the beginning of an even bigger dream coming true, that could not have come
true on the track you were on.
I have made other good decisions, such as to put myself through graduate school. Slow and Steady wins the race... I am debt free with a Master of Education Degree. Buying my house was an awesome decision. Joining the EARS committee, which I have no time for, was a great decision because I met the Huddleston family. The most amazing family I have ever met. This family has adopted me as their own and I can honestly say, I couldn't have gotten through much of anything this past year without their continued support. I hope they each know how much they mean to me, and that I hope that they know I am here for them as much as they have been here for me.
So to those girls who are turning 16 this year. To those girls who have the struggles of high school, face teenage drama, experience the multitude of insecurities, and question what the future holds- let me tell you.. it doesn't get easier.. it just gets different. Let all of the challenges in life continue to build your character, find the silver lining in each of them and continue to dream and move forward. Even if there was 1 good month, over a period of 11 terrible ones.. imagine where you would be without that 1 good month. You might take 11 more bad ones just because you are still thankful for that 1 good one. Live, Learn, and continue to love. Love yourself and love others.
What I planned to Write about...
Yes, my sister is having a second baby. This baby is coming just one month after I move. I am VERY sad I won't be there to hold the little one when he/she is just a few days old. Yet, life happens, and I am thrilled he/she will NOT remember that we didn't get to meet until about 3 months old. Thank goodness for Google Chat!
So my dad will be staying for two weeks to help me get settled. Our conversation went like this:
Dad: How many days do I need to stay and what day do you think you want to leave?
me: I need you to stay until I learn how to navigate the city and get on a bus and not freak out.
Dad: Is that 10 days, 12 or 14?
Me: Between 12 & 14.
Dad: So freaking Out is 10, maybe Freaking is 12 and No freaking is 14?
Me: Yes, thanks for speaking my language.